G for Generator
On living a devoted life from A to Z
Hello, friend! Do you know what you Human Design type is? Do you think it describes you? Recently I've noticed that life flows easier when I honour and embrace the gift of my design. If you’ve enjoyed reading this, hit the 🩷 or 🔄 buttons and share with other humans you know. With love, Bonnie
I completely forgot about my second anniversary of writing on Substack and only remembered while watching an interview of Pam Gregory 11 days later.
Gregory was talking about the energy shift for people having an inverse Pisces-Virgo nodal return in the next 18 months – hey, that’s me – and likened its impact similar to the Fool in tarot: hospicing issues and wounds carried from the deep past. Closing off a big chapter in this life. Leaping into the new horizon to birth a new future.
In a nutshell, some big endings and big openings are coming.
Naturally I feel a bit foolish. How did I lose track of this creative milestone? What have I been doing? Where have I devoted my energy to? As I pause to reflect, I realise this coming week will also be my seventh month living in Melbourne.
Time seems to have accelerated since the start of the astrological new year. The Aries fire energy is motivating me to turn dreams into actions. Signs and synchronicities blossom everywhere with people and information inspiring new ideas and insights.
Three things from the past few weeks stood out for me:
#1 – Coaching practice with friends and acquaintances has been challenging and changing me in ways that I have not expected. Through the process of learning how to support other people, I am learning more about my own unconscious beliefs and behaviours that may not support my long-term health and wellbeing. This growing awareness is taking me deeper into my own inner work, in terms of establishing healthy boundaries, practising discernment, and releasing perfectionism. I have come to realise that health coaching is not just a job, but a way of life. I can support others on their change journey only to the depth and extent I am willing to work on myself.
#2 – I had my first breathwork experience (guided by Alexander Beiner) on April Fool’s Day and it was incredibly profound. At first, I felt strange sensations in my hands and feet, as if they were dissolving into the air. After a while, my breathing fell out of sync with the instructions and music, and my mind rushed to correct it. Amid the tension, a deep voice arose from the lower lobes of my lungs, “Stay with me. Do your things. Ignore the outside noise. You’re not here to conform but to rebel.” Focusing on my own breath quieted my mind, and I slipped into an altered state – one I could only describe as eternal, infinite, and boundless. I emerged from the experience feeling a deep sense of awe, connection, and gratitude for the innate intelligence and ancient wisdom within my body.
#3 – Dr Julia Kim played the violin at the opening and closing of the Wisdom and Action Forum as a way of sharing her contemplation on the theme “We are Nature”. Both times, as the notes filled the room, my eyes welled up with warm, salty tears. The music transcended spoken words and the logical mind, reaching deep into the bottom of my heart. A quiet ache for humanity and Mother Earth – love and grief, beauty and terror – all at once.
In six weeks, I will complete my training in integrative nutrition and health coaching. I don’t know what my path will look like afterward yet, but instead of worrying about the future, I choose to anchor myself in faith – that the Universe will provide what I need for the next step. My only responsibility is to look after my body, follow my curiosity, trust my intuition, and take the next right step – one that serves both myself and others.
Even in the face of uncertainty, life already feels lighter, clearer, and more at ease. Each morning, I wake up feeling energised, calm, and hopeful. Each night, I go to bed feeling fulfilled, content, and deeply grateful.
What a stark contrast from the old life before I left a stable, well-paid job in July 2022. Is this what it feels like to have made it to the other side? Is this what it feels like to “be yourself”?
Then I remember the Human Design chart I ordered out of curiosity just over a year ago. Is this what it feels like to be an 1/3 Emotional Generator?
Unlike astrology, I didn’t resonate with my “design” at first. Most of the descriptions seemingly went against what I thought to be my natural traits, abilities and skills. It felt like as if I was reading someone else’s chart – and my internal dialogue went on like this:
A creative force? None of it. Magnetic? I don’t seem to be able to attract any love or abundance, but only more duties and responsibilities. Easily cultivate intimacy and connection with others? I often feel like an alien, weird and misunderstood. No one seems to get me. A masterful communicator? No way. Prioritise excitement and joy? Shouldn’t I be prioritising values, impacts and service?
Feeling unconvinced, I tucked my report away in a hidden folder on my laptop and moved onto learning and trying other things that piqued my interest at the time.
Fast forward 12 months later, I pick up the same report and read it for the second time. I find myself nodding from page to page, recognising that my natural, authentic state of being and doing indeed matches the description of an 1/3 Emotional Generator. It blows my mind to see how quickly I have shifted and changed from rejecting to embracing my “design”. How did I get here?
What comes to mind is a quote by Lewis Carroll, “If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.” I realise I’ve arrived where I am now –
when I stop trying to be who the society thinks I “should” be
when I stop repeating the outdated narratives about success
when I stop attaching myself to a predetermined timeline, path, or destination
when I stop judging and censoring myself before I say, do or share anything
when I allow my body – its energy, intuition, and instinct – to be my guide in life
when I allow myself to enjoy life without having to fulfil all of my duties first
when I allow myself to create, and express freely, imperfectly, and unapologetically
when I allow myself to believe that people have the capability to meet and hold space for my emotional depth
when I allow myself to receive love and abundance from others and the world
Just as Richard Rudd says, "When you live in alignment with your design, life flows effortlessly."
I love witnessing your beautiful journey Bonnie 🤍
Thank you for sharing