Be Uncomfortable with Being Comfortable
“As leaders, we need to be comfortable with the uncomfortable so we can navigate uncertainties and manage adaptive challenges effectively.” Said my first executive coach on the first day of a women’s leadership workshop 10 years ago.
I nodded in reflex and thought, “How does it work? How can I be comfortable when there are so many things on the line?”
I used to be in this perpetual state of discomfort. By day, I operated with the fear of failure, fear of missing out, and fear of disapproval. By night, I worried about how I might be perceived by others, how I might be exposed as a fraud, and how I might not meet expectations of others. I could not recall a time that I felt fully comfortable being myself.
Feelings and emotions, to me, were nuisances that made life complicated. I saw my fear and worry as a sign of weakness that no one must know. I tried my hardest to suppress and compartmentalise my discomfort so I could carry on doing what I was taught to become successful.
It did not work. I ended up crippling with physical and mental health issues. It took me six years to unlearn outdated beliefs and habitual thinking and gradually embrace discomfort with awareness, curiosity, and compassion.
Oftentimes, our discomfort is rooted from our desire for control and permanence. Many of us secretly hope that all the things we worked so hard for – our home, relationships, career, lifestlye, and so on – would exist forever. Yet in reality everything is constantly changing. No one person or moment stays the same.
To be truly comfortable with the uncomfortable, we must embrace and lean into the impermanent and interdependent nature of all things and beings. Until then, we can move through changes with calmness, clarity and intention.
Fast forward to July 2023, I am half-way through the Mastery of Business and Empathy Program.
I return to the perpetual state of discomfort once again – and this time is different. I feel uncomfortable, not because of my ego-driven insecurity, but rather my desire to make sense of global megatrends and their impacts on humanity as fast and as much as possible, so I can do more and better for the next economy.
Climate change. Digital disruption. Geopolitical conflicts. Institutional collapse. Social inequity.
The more I learn about these megatrends, the more I realise the world we live in is shifting fast. It is a hard pill to swallow when I start to recognise my own ignorance of global issues and how much energy was wasted in wallowing in my personal issues. Changes are happening at a phenomenal speed in every part of the world that most people can feel to some degree. Yet many of us are caught up in our daily nuances and irritations – and paradoxically a comfortable place to be.
Yes, we can get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Pema Chodron once wrote, “Our habitual patterns are, of course, well established, seductive, and comforting. Just wishing for them to be ventilated isn’t enough. Mindfulness and awareness are key. Do we see the stories that we’re telling ourselves and question their validity? When we are distracted by a strong emotion, do we remember that it is part of our path? Can we feel the emotion and breathe it into our hearts for ourselves and everyone else? If we can remember to experiment like this even occasionally, we are training as a warrior. And when we can’t practice when distracted but know that we can’t, we are still training well. Never underestimate the power of compassionately recognizing what’s going on.”
Maybe it is time to get uncomfortable with being comfortable.
Jackie McCann explains global inequity issues in her children’s book, “If the world were 100 people”, by shrinking our planet of 8 billion people into a village of 100 people:
20 people do not have a safe home (e.g., without clean water or electricity, etc.)
11 people are starving or at risk of starvation (while one-third of the food we produce goes to waste.)
14 people are illiterate.
41 people do not have access to the internet.
10 people own 82 percent of global wealth (which meaning 90 people share the remaining 18 percent.)
Nearly a quarter of people live on less than $6 Australian dollar a day.
These are staggering statistics.
Humanity is facing significant existential threats now. None of us can afford to stay complacent in the status quo driven by capitalism, colonialisation and competition. For our collective survival, we need to shift the focus from personal interests to mutual benefits. As everything and everyone is interconnected as one, we are at cause and effect of each other. It is up to us to choose whether we are going to flourish or languish together on our burning planet in the next few decades.
Let’s take a step back and look at our habitual patterns within the things we do day in day out, the emotions we feel repeatedly, and the stories we tell ourselves over and over again. Examine why we do what we do, think what we think, and feel what we feel. Develop awareness and understanding of our values, behaviours and biases – and how they have been influenced by our society and culture. Consider our personal accountability in local, national and global issues. Be intentional with the choices we make. Be brave to take actions.
For those of us who are in a privileged position, we must care more and do more to help people in need. It does not have to be extraordinary, heroic acts of kindness. Start by educating ourselves. Start with little things. Start in local community. As Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” And in the words of Muhammad Ali: “The service you do for others is the rent you pay for your room here on Earth.”
Those are incredible statistics! Thank you for sharing this.
Bonnie, thank you for writing this call to action from both inside out and outside in article. Thank you also for your openness and honesty. 👏