There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.”
~ Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
This passage from Ecclesiastes comes to my mind “randomly” today.
Looking at the calendar, I realise I have reached the 12th month of my sabbatical. It is obvious that the universe is nudging me to pause and take stock of the past 11 months. Especially I have not been journaling consistently since mid-April.
Since leaning into psychospiritual healing this year, I have noticed that some of my recent memories (particularly things that happened at work during the pandemic) become hazy and fading into thin air. As if my brain decided to do a major system upgrade, archive past conditionings, and free up space for the new beginning.
My mind feels different.
It seems to have turned into a supercomputer that can hold contrasting ideas, polarised views, and intense emotions altogether at the same time, without breaking down. My threshold for uncertainty, ambiguity, and complexity is rising higher and higher each day. This is a mental state that I have neither experienced before nor thought I would be capable of.
The way I think, weave and express ideas has also changed. It becomes more organic and flowy like a tree, branching wide and rooting deep. Sometimes when I talk to people, I don’t know where I am going and yet everything would still come together at the end. A stark departure from the old days when I was used to communicate in plain and sterile languages, packaged in a rigid box of so-called professionalism.
My heart feels different, too.
It seems to have removed the stoical armour, allowing its soft and mushy core to feel and be touched. I have been crying more – often when I watch videos of animal rescue or random acts of kindness shared on social media. I also start to crave music again, after not being able to tolerate any for 18 months. I rekindle my joy in reading, writing, and making art. My inner child is waking up after spending decades in hibernation.
How I see myself and my life has also changed. I feel my cup runneth over and is blessed with abundance and unconditional love. There is a sense of immense clarity within. I know what I need to thrive, what I want to do for service, and what values I hold as I walk my path. I stop worrying about how I may be perceived. I release the need for approval and validation from others. For the first time in my life, I actually feel joy and bliss without having to achieve a specific goal or do anything special.
“Your purpose is to be yourself. You don't have to run anywhere to become someone else. You are wonderful just as you are.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Since I left my job and leaped into the unknown, the teachings of Pema Chödrön and Thich Nhat Hahn have always been my safety net.
Like the passage from Ecclesiastes, both teachers describe the impermanent and selfless nature of all things, and that there is a time for everything. Life is wonderful as it is in the present moment. There is nothing to seek, chase, attain, or control. Simply by paying attention – through the practice of meditation and mindfulness – we can find all the things we need and want right here, right now.
When we relax into the ebbs and flows of life, everything within us and around us will fall into places.
Looking back to the past 11 months, I am deeply grateful for all the goodness, opportunities and lessons:
Living minimally on a budget.
Becoming a freelancer with three projects under the belt.
Having a full-circle experience in health care as a clinician, patient, and carer.
Recovering from acute on chronic burnout.
Achieving diabetes remission for 18 months.
Stopping antidepressant.
Unlearning and re-learning science and modern medicine.
Diving into the world of ancient civilisation, quantum physics and spirituality.
Healing and honouring my wounded inner child.
Studying the Mastery of Business and Empathy Program 2023.
Making new friends and enjoying deep, meaningful connections.
Starting Let’s Just Be on Substack.
Collaborating with other writers on different assignments.
Being offered a job at my dream company this week!
Some people may find it hard to believe if I say that I did not plan for any of these things. It is true. All I have been doing is to stay present, trust my intuition, honour the natural cycles in life, and move through transitions with patience and courage. And everything turns out amazingly and beyond expectations. As I transition out of my sabbatical, I will continue to do the same: Surrender. Breathe. Meditate. Relax. Slow down to speed up. Be radically curious. Engage actions in wisdom. Practise non-attachment. Love myself. Love others. Love nature. Love every moment of now.
“Now is the only time. How we relate to it creates the future. In other words, if we're going to be more cheerful in the future, it's because of our aspiration and exertion to be cheerful in the present. What we do accumulates; the future is the result of what we do right now.” ~Pema Chödrön
Love
Love love. ❤️❤️❤️
Bonnie, I love your newest article and congratulations on everything. The way you honored yourself and your needs by taking time off, mentioning all the vast changes in you now, and at the right time ), (now) being offered your dream job. Way to go, my friend. Love and support, Melody