Be Content and Connected in the River of Life.
On the 11 things I have learned in my 44 years of being human.
I have just finished another trip around the sun and turning 44 this week.
For the past four months, I have been seeing repeating numbers 44, 444 and 4444 almost every day – the time on my devices, number plates on cars, phone numbers, cafe table numbers, parking receipts, and more. They show up so often that I cannot help but believe they are trying to convey some important messages from my late father.
Out of curiosity and a random Google search, I looked up the meaning of number 4 in numerology:
That you are safe, stable, and supported by your ancestors, spirit guides or higher self.
That it’s a celestial reminder to stay grounded while reaching for the stars.
That it’s about taking consistent, practical actions and building a solid foundation in life.
That the Universe has got your back, so be confident and work towards your dream.
Despite decades of training in science, I have become increasingly trusting in the power of the unseen, spirits and stars. Reading these messages brings me so much comfort and reassurance in time of grief, reminding me that I am blessed and guided by the higher power beyond the physical realm.
After a tumultuous yet interesting year, I feel the call to contemplate and examine all the choices I made in the past twelve months. I want to write down a list of ideas and quotes that have shaped (or re-shaped) my values and perspectives about life and living. None of these things are new. They are simply the lessons that I need at this point of my life.
1. Everything happens for a reason and exists perfectly as it should be. Sometimes we may see the direct cause and effect immediately. Sometimes it may take us a while to join the dots and understand why things happened the way they did. Sometimes we may never work out the reason or see the outcome. Thich Nhat Hanh said, “Everything relies on everything else in the cosmos in order to manifest—whether a star, a cloud, a flower, a tree, or you and me.” We are so deeply connected as interbeing in a vast, complex continuum beyond time and space. No matter what, ground our actions in love and kindness, and trust the Universe to take care of everything.
2. Change is the law of nature. It cannot be stopped or avoided. All we can do is to pause often to observe and take note of the ever-changing rhythms, patterns, and seasons within us and around us. By becoming more aware, we’d learn that everything – both the “good” and the “bad” – is transient. By accepting the impermanent nature of life, we open up our heart to appreciating and embracing change – the energy it brings in, the creativity it ignites, and new opportunities it creates – knowing that life is only possible through change.
3. "Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy." ~Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart
4. “Death brings us into life. It lets the bullshit shed away. It moves us deeper into our heart, into our kindness and compassion and into alignment…Every day we can wake and realise we have another day to explore this trip called our life. We can ask ourselves, what will I honour today, and if it were my last how would I like to hold myself? We can say out loud, today I am one of 8 billion humans trying to navigate life, and I will commit to gratitude and kindness. Today, I will align with love, in every single moment I remember. And know that I will forget moment to moment that we are on the path to our death, that every person we speak with, love, laugh with is also on their journey to dying. But we can recall it over, and over again to remind us to be in this present moment – for it is all we truly have.” ~Jacqui Lewis, Founder of The Broad Place
5. “Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.” ~Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreement
6. Approach life with a beginner’s mind and be okay with not-knowing. Living in a world where expertise and niches are glorified, it is more important than ever to let go of our need/urge to always broadcast our ideas or prove our points out loud. Instead, let’s take a step back, try asking more questions, listen to other people deeply without interruptions, and learn different topics through someone else’s perspective. Curiosity creates openings to shared understanding, meaningful connection, and deep compassion towards other people and the world.
7. Our thoughts and words carry incredible power. What we think and say, we embody and become. Dr Joe Dispenza has noted from his research that our brains and bodies “don’t know the difference between having an actual experience in [our] life and just thinking about the experience—neurochemically, it’s the same.” The way we think and feel – consciously and subconsciously – drives our actions and reactions, projecting our internal reality to the external world. To live a good life starts with creating an inner, sacred space to treat our own thoughts and feelings with loving-kindness – by doing so, it clarifies our perceptions, aligns our beliefs and behaviours, and transforms our living experiences.
8. Listen to the body. It is our best friend and guide in life. Its sole purpose is to support the growth and evolution of the human consciousness. For every second of the day, our body listens to us and for us. It senses, processes and assesses hundreds of thousands of internal and external signals, telling us what it needs to be safe, healthy and happy. Yet its messages often show up as discomfort, deficiency, or dysfunction, which we have long been conditioned to treat them as inconvenience to be frown at, problems to be fixed, or battles to be fought. No, our body does not want us to ignore it, fix it or fight it. What it really needs from us is attention, nourishment and love so we can thrive and enjoy life.
9. “Festina lente” or make haste slowly. Our society conditions us to run on the hamster wheel all day, every day. The faster we do more things, the more successful we are perceived to be – otherwise we are nothing, a failure. The relentless pursuit of efficiency and productivity is making us sick, miserable and lifeless. As Dr Reggie Ray wrote in Busyness is Laziness, “If your mind is always busy then you have no sense of the world you live in. Because there is no communication, there is no space within which to see what we are doing…By being busy you are basically giving away your human existence.” Slowing down creates space for deep contemplation and discernment about our values and purposes. Slowing down enables alignment and creativity in our work. Slowing down allows us to be human and fully immerse in the river of life.
10. Have hope for the future and hold it lightly. Pema Chodron said we should put “Abandon Hope” on our refrigerator as an affirmation because “[hope] and fear come from feeling that we lack something; they come from a sense of poverty. We can’t simply relax with ourselves. We hold on to hope, and hope robs us of the present moment. We feel that someone else knows what's going on, but that there's something missing in us, and therefore something is lacking in our world.” When we become too attached to our hopes for the future, we may lose sight of our enough-ness and abundance in the present. When we shift our focus onto what we have now, what we can do now, and what we are grateful for, there comes a realisation that we already have everything we need and much more – a sense of groundedness, contentment and inner peace.
11. “Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.” ~Marianne Williamson
(Sharing this beautiful short film, A Gathering of the Tribe by Charles Eisenstein, that brought tears to my eyes in the last class of the Mastery of Business and Empathy program. May we all find our tribe - to gather, to rise, and to love 💜)
Wow, Bonnie! Beautifully written—and happy solar return to you, such an inspirational Sagittarius. That Jacqui Lewis quote brought me to tears... and your reflections bring me comfort. Thank you for sharing!!
Love this Bonnie. And, I did a course with Eisenstein on Commune,